Here’s a report (unfortunately I don’t know who wrote the below but I saw it in a magazine)
First tme at a dog show, I’ll tell you quite plain.
I’ll never, no never, go near one again.
The breeder said “show him” when I bought my dog
I showed him alright, the whole place was agog.
They gave me a number, they gave me a pin,
But I couldn’t bear to stick the thing in
arrived at the righside to find we were first
In the puppy class (this part is the worst)
We marched in together as fast as we were able
So I rushed to the shop, and bought some clear glue
Then I stuck the card onto his back in the loo!
We arrived at the Judge who said “up on the table”.
This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight
And I just couldn’t make it, try as I might
The judge looked quite worried, he said “Listen here,
put the dog on the table, not you, my dear!”
By now, I was trembling, I felt such a fool
But said to myself ….”play it cool”
“How old” said the judge, I heard quite clear
Well really, I thought and said “Thirty next year”
The steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit.
He spluttered and coughed and his eyes ran a bit.
“I’d have that cough seen to” I said when he finally stopped
and then started again.
“Once round the ring, dear, fast as you can”
Said the judge, so I did. I just ran and ran.
But when I arrived (out of breath I’ll admit)
The judge said “your dog dear,”, I felt such a twit.
Off once again, I kept my head bent
Oh, the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and went
A lady came running with bucket and spade
With manure so spicy, has she got it made?
We came back to the Judge, who said with a frown
“Stand your dog” – I said “Please Sir, he’s not lying down”
“You can take first place stand” he said. I said “ta”
What a job I had getting that stand in the car.
Tags: dog shows